At our practice, we’re committed to creating an inclusive, affirming space for individuals across the LGBTQ+ spectrum—including kids, teens, adults, and couples. Many allies want to be supportive but aren’t always sure where to begin. Maybe you’ve heard new terms or been asked to use different pronouns, and you want to make sure you’re getting it right. That openness is the perfect place to start.
In this blog, we’ll walk through some of the core terminology used within the LGBTQ+ community, highlight the importance of pronouns, introduce the Gender Unicorn as a helpful learning tool, and offer practical ways to be a supportive ally depending on a person’s age and stage in their identity exploration.
We also want to acknowledge that LGBTQ+ language and identities are evolving. This blog is not exhaustive, and some terms may change or be used differently across communities and cultures. Our goal is to provide a helpful starting point in your journey toward understanding and affirming others.
Understanding LGBTQ+ and Related Terms
LGBTQ+ is an umbrella acronym representing a wide range of sexual orientations, gender identities, and expressions. Here are definitions of key terms to help clarify the language often used in this space:
- Lesbian – A woman who is emotionally, romantically, or sexually attracted to other women.
- Gay – A person attracted to others of the same gender. While often used by men, people of other genders may also identify as gay.
- Bisexual – A person who is attracted to more than one gender.
- Transgender (Trans) – A person whose gender identity is different from the sex they were assigned at birth.
- Queer – An umbrella term that can describe identities that fall outside heterosexual and cisgender norms. Some people reclaim this word with pride; others may not be comfortable with it due to its historical use as a slur.
- Questioning – A person who is exploring their gender identity or sexual orientation.
- Cisgender – A person whose gender identity corresponds to their sex assigned at birth; not transgender.
- + (Plus) – Represents a variety of other identities. Here are just a few:
- Asexual – A person who experiences little or no sexual attraction to others. Asexuality exists on a spectrum and doesn’t necessarily mean an absence of romantic or emotional relationships.
- Pansexual – A person who is attracted to individuals regardless of their gender identity. Sometimes described as “gender-blind” attraction.
- Nonbinary – A person whose gender identity does not fit within the traditional categories of male or female. Nonbinary people may identify as both, neither, or a different gender altogether.
- Intersex – A person born with physical sex characteristics (chromosomes, hormones, genitalia) that don’t fit typical definitions of male or female. Being intersex is a natural variation in human biology.
Why Pronouns Matter
Pronouns are how we refer to someone in the third person—and using the correct pronouns is an essential act of respect and affirmation. Common pronouns include:
- She/her
- He/him
- They/them (singular and gender-neutral)
- Ze/zir, xe/xem, or other neopronouns
A simple way to create an inclusive environment is to share your pronouns when introducing yourself (e.g., “Hi, I’m Alex and I use they/them pronouns”). If you’re not sure what someone’s pronouns are, ask respectfully or use their name until they clarify.
People’s pronouns and identities may change over time. This is especially true for those exploring their gender identity or in the process of transitioning. It’s okay to make mistakes—what matters most is how you respond: correct yourself without making it a big deal, and move forward with intention.
Understanding the Gender Unicorn
The Gender Unicorn is a helpful tool developed by Trans Student Educational Resources to visualize the different aspects of a person’s identity. Unlike the binary male/female model, the Gender Unicorn helps distinguish between:
- Gender Identity – One’s internal sense of self (e.g., male, female, nonbinary, genderfluid)
- Gender Expression – How someone expresses gender externally through clothing, hair, behavior, etc.
- Sex Assigned at Birth – The designation (e.g., male, female, intersex) given at birth, usually based on anatomy
- Sexual Attraction – Who someone is physically or sexually attracted to
- Romantic Attraction – Who someone is emotionally or romantically attracted to
This model illustrates that gender, sex, and attraction are not all the same—and helps allies break out of binary assumptions.
How to Be a Supportive Ally
Being an ally means showing up with empathy, curiosity, and action. The way you support someone may vary depending on their age and where they are in the identity process—whether they’re questioning, coming out, transitioning, or integrating their identity into daily life.
Here are ways to provide affirming support:
If They Are Questioning
- Children & Teens: Offer open-ended conversations without pressure. Use affirming books, media, and inclusive language. Avoid making assumptions about their identity or “correcting” their exploration.
- Adults: Respect the complexity of identity exploration at any age. They may be navigating years of internalized beliefs—listen without trying to “fix” or rush the process.
If They Are Coming Out
- Children & Teens: Thank them for trusting you. Reassure them that your love and support are unchanged. Ask how you can support them at school, socially, or with family.
- Adults: Celebrate their courage. Offer a safe space to talk about challenges and victories. Let them set the pace for sharing with others.
If They Are Transitioning
- Children & Teens: Work with affirming providers (therapists, pediatricians, schools) and support their use of chosen names/pronouns. Create a home environment that reflects their identity.
- Adults: Support their choices around medical, social, or legal transition without questioning their “why.” Respect boundaries around privacy and disclosure.
If They Are Integrated
- Continue to affirm and celebrate their identity. Even those who are “out” and integrated still face microaggressions, exclusion, and systemic discrimination. Advocate for inclusion, use correct pronouns consistently, and stand up against anti-LGBTQ+ rhetoric.
Everyday Ways to Practice Allyship
- Use inclusive language (e.g., “partner” instead of “boyfriend/girlfriend”)
- Speak up against homophobic or transphobic jokes, even when it’s uncomfortable
- Display support (rainbow flag, pronoun pins, or inclusive signage) in visible ways at home or work
- Educate yourself through books, podcasts, LGBTQ+ creators, or workshops
- Donate to or volunteer with LGBTQ+ organizations
- Support mental health and well-being by encouraging therapy or peer support groups
Final Thoughts
Being an ally isn’t about knowing everything—it’s about being present, curious, and willing to grow. If you’re reading this, you’re already on the right track. When we show up with compassion and humility, we create safer, more loving spaces for everyone to be themselves.
At our practice, we provide affirming therapy services for LGBTQ+ individuals and families across all stages of life. Whether someone is just beginning to explore their identity or has been out for years, we’re here to walk alongside them with care and respect.
Your support matters—and it can be life-changing.
Want to learn more about the Gender Unicorn? Visit transstudent.org/gender
